Dear Friend,
I’m attending Europe’s largest conference on trauma, healing, and resilience this week at Oxford University. With thousands in attendance and some of the most prominent voices in the field—like Gabor Maté, Dan Siegel, and Bessel van der Kolk—it’s been an eye-opening experience.
What stands out to me, again and again, is how deeply our childhood shapes us. Early experiences, even those we don’t consciously remember, leave lasting imprints on our mental well-being. It makes sense, given that the brain undergoes rapid development in those first few years of life. In fact, the brain gains most of its volume within the first three years. The environment we grow up in—whether nurturing or harsh—lays the groundwork for our emotional landscape.
Take Gabor Maté’s story, for example. Separated from his mother during World War II, he was given to a missionary couple to ensure his survival. That separation—traumatic for both mother and child—became the root of many of Gabor’s struggles later in life. He attributes much of his ADHD and emotional struggles to that moment of disconnection.
When children face unbearable emotional pain—like separation, abuse, or neglect—their brains protect them by dissociating from the present. It’s a survival strategy. In Gabor’s case, his brain helped him cope with the trauma of being taken from his mother. However, this same coping mechanism that protected him as a child began to limit him as an adult. His brain became wired to dissociate from the present, making it difficult to fully engage with life.
Attachment wounds are exactly this—a survival response to early pain. They serve us when we’re young, but as we grow older, these patterns can prevent us from living with vitality, joy, and presence. They keep us stuck in outdated emotional responses, making it hard to form healthy relationships or set boundaries.
What’s been made so clear at this conference is the hope that lies in neuroplasticity—the brain’s incredible ability to heal and rewire itself, even later in life. It’s never too late. With the right tools and a supportive environment, we can change these old patterns and reclaim our sense of self.
I’m personally working on a course designed to help people do just that—rewire their brains, increase psychological flexibility, and find more joy in the present moment.
But it starts with recognizing the wounds we carry. These attachment wounds form templates for how we navigate the world, shaping how we see ourselves and our relationships. Have you ever wondered why you struggle to set boundaries or why you’re drawn to certain types of people? Often, it comes back to these early imprints.
Two words: attachment wounds. And the good news? We can heal.
Hit reply and tell me about your struggles. I am here to listen.
With love,
Gabe
